Pity the poor, oppressed Capitol raiders


Swamp Rabbit said he was in a terrible state after watching reruns of the mob storming the Capitol last week at the behest of their Dear Leader, who hid in the White House while they did his dirty work.

“You told me last week they were mostly frustrated football fans,” I reminded him. “Did you change your mind?”

He answered my question by calling up a news story that listed some of the professions of those who took part in the siege:

…Lawyers, local lawmakers, real estate agents, law enforcement officers, military veterans, construction workers, hair stylists and nurses… devout Christians who highlighted Bible verses, adherents of the QAnon conspiracy theory and members of documented hate groups…

“So we shouldn’t conclude the mob was just a bunch of no-account redneck blowhard football fans in dad jeans and ball caps?” I asked.

“That’s right, Odd Man. Most of them Capitol raiders were god-fearing racists who have mortgages and own pickup trucks as big as tanks and all sorts of — what you call ’em? — luxury goods.”

“But that’s what I said last week,” I said, reminding him again. The question is, why did the raiders want to block the election results?

“Because the Democrats want them to put on masks to avoid the covid. And because they ain’t making enough money to keep up with payin’ for all them luxury goods. They feel oppressed by the gov’mint.”

You’re crazy, I told him. Oppressed people can’t afford to play weekend warriors (weekday, in this case) dressed up in camo clothes and commando gear from Dick’s Sporting Goods. They don’t have the money to travel hundreds of miles, rent hotel rooms and take pictures of each other smashing artifacts in the Capitol.

“Besides, it’s their leader who heads the government,” I said. “The guy who did nothing to stop the covid and led the charge for a two-trillion-dollar tax cut for the rich and helped stall a second stimulus for more than six months.”

“But that ain’t what they heard on the social media and Fox News,” Swamp Rabbit said. “Give ’em a break. It’s time we all made friends, doncha think?”

“No way,” I replied. “You can’t make friends with people who are too dumb to know who their enemy is.”

This entry was posted in history, humor, mainstream media, Politics, terrorism and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Pity the poor, oppressed Capitol raiders

  1. Dave R. says:

    I think everyone is shocked at the depth of the conspiracy to overthrow the election results, and worse news is yet to come regarding the planners and enablers.


    • oddmanout215 says:

      Yes. The raiders got into the Capitol much too easily and seem to have been assisted by insiders. A bunch of Democratic reps have complained that “an extremely high number of outside groups” were let in the day before, implying that someone had arranged for them to have a practice run so they’d know how to get to the targeted politicians. It’s hard to believe Trump and his gang didn’t block intervention by more cops and the National Guard… A lot of these bozos were armed, so it could have been much worse. I wonder how many of them really thought they were going to reverse the election results.


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