I was deep into my writing routine when someone knocked on my door, derailing my train of thought. It was my neighbor Swamp Rabbit, seeking a ride to the liquor store so he wouldn’t have to brave the icy streets on foot. But my ancient Honda, parked out front, was still stuck in the snow despite my recent attempts to dig it out.
Swamp Rabbit told me it was an emergency, he had drained his last bottle, it would be my fault if he got the shakes and heard the chains of hell rattling. And when was the weather going to change? This cold snap was worse than the winter of ’96. Today was Groundhog Day — was he doomed to wake up and endure this same nasty day over and over, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, the movie?
“Quit whining,” I said. “Just be glad you’re not in Ukraine, where it’s 20 below zero and everyone is dodging Russian drones.”
But I felt bad for my mangy friend, even though he hadn’t helped me try to free my car last week. Good neighbor that I am, I ventured outside and hacked away at the ice around the Honda’s tires until my shovel broke. “That’s what you get for buying a plastic shovel,” he said. “Now what do we do?”
I dragged him up Swamp Road to where two husky young guys with metal shovels were struggling to free a two-ton SUV that was stuck in a drift. The woman behind the wheel was good-looking and probably accustomed to the kindness of strangers. I got behind the SUV with the other guys and we pushed until she was able to coax her shiny gas guzzler onto the asphalt. Swamp Rabbit shuffled up to the driver’s-side window and talked her into giving him a ride to the liquor store.
One of the young guys lives on the other side of Swamp Road. As he was leaving I borrowed his shovel and then dug out my car, only to discover the battery was dead. I thought about crossing the road to ask the guy for a jump, but I was too tired to bother.
Swamp Rabbit returned and I told him I’d decided to let my car sit where it is until the weather breaks. “This is South Philly,” I said. “If I drive somewhere there won’t be any parking spaces when I get back.”
“Quit whining,” he said as he broke the seal on his new bottle. “Just be glad you ain’t in Ukraine.”
Update: Almost forgot — Punxsutawney Phil, the famed groundhog prognosticator, saw his own shadow yesterday. Bundle up.