Swamp Rabbit was stretched out on the bare ground near his shack, looking like he’d just survived an ordeal that tested his limits. “Feels like I got chased 20 miles by a pack of bloodhounds,” he told me.
Actually, he’d been indoors for hours watching cable TV coverage of the Trump-inspired mob that breached the U.S. Capitol, where Congress was certifying Joe Biden’s election. The action was almost nonstop. Rioters climbed walls, shattered windows, broke down doors, waved Yankee and Confederate flags, strolled across the marble-tiled floor of Statuary Hall, posed for a selfie with a Capitol cop, rushed into the Senate chamber and even ransacked the offices of various Congress critters. Five people ended up dead.
“I’m exhausted,” Swamp Rabbit said. “Just watching them yahoos run wild wore me out.”
The historic siege is already well-documented. One memorable photo shows a smiling yahoo sitting in Nancy Pelosi’s office with cellphone in hand and one foot up on her desk. A shirtless QAnon Viking in horns and furs, with a flag and a megaphone, was filmed relaxing in the Senate chamber.
While reviewing news clips, it dawned on Swamp Rabbit that most of the mob members were young or middle-aged white guys who looked more like moronic sports fans than insurrectionists. He wondered if they raided the Capitol in frustration because the pandemic had made it so hard to attend football games this year.
“No way,” I said. “Some of them are QAnon supporters who swear that Pelosi and the global elites are in cahoots with Satanists who kill children and drink their blood. But most are just old-fashioned racist wackos who think Democrats are communists.”
“I bet most of them are football fans,” Swamp Rabbit insisted.
The only thing for sure is that they were all Trump fans. There were thousands of them outside or inside the Capitol. Their hero had promised to march with them but he never showed up. It was much safer to hide in the Fuhrerbunker and incite a riot in the hope of somehow stopping the certification process.
“Just like in football,” Swamp Rabbit said. “Trump threw one of them Hail Mary passes but it got batted down in the end zone.”
Twelve more days until the clock runs out…
Teehee. Football fans!
I’m an occasional football fan. Swamp Rabbit hurt my feelings.
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