The local CVS is as big as a supermarket. The good drugs are locked away in the pharmacy, but the rest of the store is jammed with “over-the-counter” drugs, cosmetics and junk food. Halloween candy is stacked in plastic bags emblazoned with brand names spelled out in cartoonish, attention-grabbing fonts — Snickers, M&M, KitKat and so on.
“We hit the motherlode,” my neighbor Swamp Rabbit said. He’s an alcoholic who craves sweets when he’s off the booze and trying to dry out.
We were waiting inside the front door for Swamp Rabbit’s parole officer, Victor Cortez, who was buying candy in the hope it would discourage Swamp Rabbit from falling off the wagon.
“I changed my mind,” Victor said, emerging from the candy aisle. “Candy costs almost as much as street drugs these days.”
Victor had just learned that a Cadbury bar would have cost him five dollars, taxes included, about 50 percent more than it cost last year. Bags of candy in mini-servings — handouts for trick-or-treaters — were priced at $10 or more.
Swamp Rabbit was distraught. “It ain’t fair. I used to buy two candy bars for a dime at the kiddie matinee.”
“That was a hundred years ago,” I said. “The world has passed you by, swamp thing.”
I told him Victor was right — ill-advised tariffs, bad chocolate-growing weather, corporate execs and hedge fund managers have turned candy into a luxury item. Contemporary candy influencers are like drug dealers or booze peddlers, enriching themselves by taking advantage of our bad habits.
Swamp Rabbit looked bleak, so Victor relented. He bought a 10-dollar bag of mini-KitKats and ordered Swamp Rabbit to save most of them for the trick-or-treaters who come knocking on Halloween night.
Swamp Rabbit looked relieved, and I knew why. I said, “We live in deep South Philly, Victor. In Bog Water Homes, remember? Nobody comes knocking down there on Halloween, it’s too scary.”
Footnote: Forget the price of candy and food and gas and housing and everything else. Did you know that the U.S. economy grew this summer? I read this in the newspaper owned by billionaire Trump toady Jeff Bezos, so it must be true.
