The creature from the green lagoon still walks and stalks, but reporters will be all over him the next time he attacks some innocent passerby at the Jefferson Memorial Reflecting Pool in Washington, D.C.

That’s the media consensus now that the U.S. Department of Justice — an Orwellian name if there ever was one — has dropped the case against David Hearn, the Olympian who was charged with vandalism when the pool’s poorly installed blue liner began to peel and its water turned green with algae. It seems the mess was made not by vandals but by the lagoon creature’s inept contractor.

In the end, the case was so ridiculous that even Justice lawyer Jeanine Pirro, a longtime shameless lackey of the creature (a.k.a. Donald Trump), had to admit it was dead due to lack of evidence. Pirro must now face her master’s wrath — “I disagree 100% with Jeanine Pirro,” Trump wrote after her announcement — but Hearn is safe from persecution prosecution, at least for now.

“Trump don’t apologize and he don’t admit no wrong,” my neighbor Swamp Rabbit said after hearing the news about the pool. “That Hearn guy better lay low, and anybody else goes near that pool better watch their step.”