Is it possible to be paranoid and arrogant as hell at the same time? Sure it is, if you’re a cop.
Swamp Rabbit asked me how I could say such a thing. I told him to check out the NYPD goons who turned their backs to dis New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio at the funerals of their two slain comrades. As if the mayor somehow inspired the loony who killed the cops. As if he was expressing solidarity with cop killers when he addressed the concerns of people who feel victimized by city employees who’ve sworn to protect them.
The rabbit tossed some twigs into the wood stove and said, “Git a grip, Odd Man. Screamin’ at me ain’t gonna stop cops from killin’ guys who sell loosies, or bring back the kid with the toy gun who got blown away at the playground by some Barney Fife.”
I slammed the wood stove door and said, “I know that, you stupid rodent. All I’m saying is it shouldn’t surprise anybody when cops turn their backs. That’s what most cops do.”
The rabbit took a swig of Wild Turkey and tried to pass the bottle to me. I shook him off. He said, “I still don’t get your drift, Odd Man.”
“Well, get this. You ever call the cops when there’s a domestic dispute? When your bike or car is stolen? When some nut job down the block threatens to stab your first-born? Cops take two hours to show up. Then they laugh at you. Then they threaten to lock you up if you make a fuss. Then they turn their backs and walk.”
He accused me of exaggerating. “You’re just talkin’ about that rotten neighborhood in Philly where you grew up. Most people like havin’ a police department.”
I threw an empty can of black-eyed peas at him. “Cops aren’t a department, they’re a tribe. They’re like outlaw motorcycle gangs. They don’t rat on their brothers. They watch out for each other. They think it’s us versus them. They exist outside the law.”
“You make it sound like all cops are bad guys,” the rabbit said. “That’s like sayin’ all bus drivers is bad.”
“Bus drivers can’t shoot you for looking at them funny.”
“Them’s just the bad apples,” the rabbit insisted. “Most cops ain’t like outlaw bikers.”
“Right again,” I said. “Cops shave more often — the males, at least. They wear shiny shoes. They have badges and great benefits and pensions and can retire before their hair turns gray. Bikers don’t get benefits.”
I would have kept my rant going, but the rabbit turned his back on me and hopped out to the swamp.