Easter story, updated

And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulcher? — Mark 16:3

My friend Jesus the taqueria owner was whacked on Friday by demented jerks with nail guns. It wasn’t pretty. I went to the viewing this morning with all his other friends, hoping it would be a closed-casket affair. Lo and behold, somebody had stolen his body! A bunch of cultists, I’ll bet. Probably the same guys who whacked him. I hope they aren’t planning any further mischief.

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