It was 14 degrees above zero in Philly today and five above when the wind blew.

“At least the sun is shining,” my neighbor Swamp Rabbit said as he watched me shovel the snow that had buried my ancient Honda.

I asked him to help me dig out instead of standing around with a beer in his hand. He sang a verse from “You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere.”

“I’ll help out when you stop writing about that hog monster in the White House,” he said. “You’re gonna drop dead you keep obsessin’ about his ICE gestapo. Ain’t nothin’ you can do about it.”

Swamp Rabbit is like my late grandmother’s boyfriend, a chain-smoking freeloader named Enzo who used to bum cigarette money from my mother, whose name was Josephine. They would yap about world problems and Enzo would shrug and say, “It’s a mess but what are you gonna do, Jo?”

I reminded my decrepit neighbor that the ICE gestapo had murdered two upstanding citizens, Renee Good and Alex Pretti, while conducting their war on dark-skinned immigrants in Minneapolis. I told him to phone our Republican senator, the Trump lapdog and former hedge fund operator Dave McCormick, and demand that he oppose additional funding for ICE and Customs and Border Protection.

“That won’t work,” Swamp Rabbit said. “Besides, things might change.”

He told me that Border Patrol boss Gregory Bovino had just been replaced in Minneapolis by “border czar” Tom Homan, the bullethead who allegedly accepted a $50,000 bribe two years ago during an undercover FBI operation.

I referred him to a column by humorist Andy Borowitz headlined “Trump Replaces Asshole with Alternate Asshole.”

“It’s no good getting rid of a rotten apple if every apple in the barrel is rotten,” I said.