Battle royale in Vegas


Swamp Rabbit dropped by my shack last night toting a couple of stolen TV dinners with the brand name DEVOUR. Fittingly, we ate them while watching the Democratic candidates for president devour each other in Nevada.

I meant debate each other, of course, but devour came to mind because the candidates were nipping at each other like hungry jackals. Swamp Rabbit pictured the Dems in an old-fashioned battle royale, in which a bunch of fighters engage in a free-for-all until only one is left standing.

Elizabeth Warren floored Mike Bloomberg early on when she brought up his past treatment of women: “I’d like to talk about who we’re running against,” she said. “A billionaire who calls women ‘fat broads’ and ‘horse-faced lesbians.’ And no, I’m not talking about Donald Trump. I’m talking about Mayor Bloomberg.”

Bernie Sanders went on the attack, too. He reminded Bloomberg that billionaires can’t amass their fortunes without the labor of countless others who earn a lot less. Bloomberg, back on his feet again, counterpunched weakly, by trying to tar Bernie with the C-word — communism.

Joe Biden, looking punch-drunk, watched the other candidates bob and weave but couldn’t manage to land any really good shots. Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar retreated to a corner of the ring to claw at each other after he mocked her for failing to remember the name of the president of Mexico.

Meanwhile Donald Trump was probably watching the battle royale with some flunkies, stuffing his fat face with Big Macs, hoping the Dems will knock each other out before one of them gets a one-on-one shot at him and his mind-boggling record of misdeeds.

None of the contestants were KO’d last night, although Bloomberg should think about throwing in the towel before he puts any more money into trying to buy a victory.

“The best case scenario is Sanders or Warren is left standing after the primaries, but any Dem will do,” I said.

“Worst case is Trump makes himself president for life before the title bout can take place,” Swamp Rabbit replied.

He was joking, I think, but you can’t be sure these days.

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